Everything I Need to Know in Life I Learned from a T-shirt

  • I am the grammarian about whom your mother warned you.
  • I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request.
  • Say “No” to negative thinking.
  • Follow your dreams — except that one where you fly. That never ends well.
  • Accounting is accrual profession.
  • Cole’s law: thinly sliced cabbage
  • Why must the chicken’s motives for crossing the road always be questioned?
  • Sometimes I wonder…”Why is that Frisbee getting bigger?” Then it hits me.
  • Root beer: a cruel, cruel hoax
  • Being vague is as annoying as that other thing.
  • My inner child thinks you’re a big poopy face.
  • Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.
  • What I really need are minions.
  • No one ever suspects the short ones.
  • Some days, it’s not even worth chewing through the restraints.

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